I was 8 years old when I made the decision. It was my second year of Novice hockey and it was my turn in the rotation to line up in between the pipes. My mother later told me that during the game, another parent in the stands jokingly suggested that this could be my new full-time position. Just thinking about how expensive all the equipment was, made my mother cringe, but by the time I stepped off the ice, my mind was already made up: I wanted to be a goalie.
Before I even stepped foot onto the ice wearing all the bulky equipment, I was biased towards the netminder position since my older cousin Zack had made the decision to play the same position just a year earlier. He had a huge influence on my game and even though we had both been very passionate about the sport, we became even more competitive with one another once I made the switch to goalie. My uncle used to buy us packs of hockey cards when we were younger and we would always have heated arguments over who got to keep the rare goalie cards.
Zack and I both started our early days of hockey playing house league for the Leitrim Hawks, which was our regional organization. However, by the time I turned 12 years old, I found myself playing ‘AA’ hockey with a number of my closest buddies. I was playing against some of the best players in Ottawa within my age group and I was feeling very confident about myself and my future in hockey. Unfortunately, that mindset did not last very long for me. The following year, I was shocked to find out that I had been cut while trying out for the same team that I had previously played for. So, while all my best friends were preparing for another season together, I was being sent back to the Leitrim Hawks to play ‘Rep B’ hockey.
Blessing in Disguise
At the time, I thought that this was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. Our team had a pretty unsuccessful season and I was still pissed off about being cut. It was tough going into school and hearing my friends talk about what a blast it was playing ‘AA’. Little did I know, but getting cut from that team ultimately led me to where I am today as a hockey player. I approached the following offseason with a new mentality since I now had nothing to lose. I worked very hard over the summer, using my anger as fuel to get better and improve my game. Towards the end of the offseason, I made a bold decision to attend the Upper Canada Cyclones ‘AAA’ tryouts rather than just settling for the ‘AA’ tryouts. Going into it, I did not necessarily have strong intentions of making the team, but I figured that it was worth a shot and at the very least, the tryouts provided additional ice time for me to compete against some very talented players. To my delight, I fit in very well with that group of guys and earned myself a roster spot for the season.
A couple years later, I was still playing high level hockey and at the age of 15, I started receiving phone calls from a few OHL teams that started showing interest in me prior to the 2018 draft. This was very exciting for me since my goal has always been to play hockey at the next level and the OHL would give me an opportunity to do so.
Even though I was drawing interest from a few teams, as a goalie, I never expected to be drafted as high as I was. I remember being at my grandmother’s place when I heard the news that I had been taken by the Sudbury Wolves in the fifth round of the OHL draft and even though it was a very exciting day and I was very honoured to be selected by the Wolves, my grandmother burst into tears when she heard that I would be heading to Sudbury, a city that I was not too familiar with at the time. Thankfully, my experiences in Sudbury so far have been much better than my grandmother had anticipated.
Once the 2018-19 season had begun, I was playing for the Kemptville 73’s ‘U18 AAA’ team (the same team that I had been playing with the previous year) and as 16 year old, fifth round draft pick, I was not expecting to be taking part in any OHL games that season. As we all know, things don’t always go as planned and after the Wolves had traded their backup goalie at the trade deadline for some draft picks, I was signed by the team and shipped off to Sudbury.
Adjusting to a New Lifestyle
Moving away from home as a 16 year old definitely was not easy, especially since I was moving in with a billet family that I was unfamiliar with. At the start, I was a little uncomfortable since I did not know the dynamic of this new household and did not want to impose on anybody. I can remember times when I wasn’t sure whether or not to help myself to food from their fridge because I didn’t want to be rude or anything. It did not take too long for me to settle in though; my billet family welcomed me with open arms and treated me like I was a part of their family. I had two billet sisters who were a bit older than me and they treated me just like a younger brother by supporting me, but also by ripping on me and giving me a tough time whenever I deserved it.
Joining the Wolves roster during the middle of the season was a very exciting opportunity for me but at the same time, I felt some pressure since the team was on a push for the playoffs and I didn’t want to let anyone down. I was backing up Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen, who was one of the best goalies in the league and had already been drafted by the Buffalo Sabres as a second round pick in the NHL. My main role for the remainder of the season was to learn from the veteran netminder and to observe how he handled himself both on and off the ice. Although I had seen him play on TV before, I had never seen how Luukkonen operated off the ice and upon arriving in Sudbury, I was very impressed. He always conducted himself in such a professional manner as he showed up to the rink everyday prepared and ready to put the work in. Even though he is from Finland and there was a slight communication barrier between us, his actions spoke louder than any words could and he embodied exactly what it meant to be a true professional.
Heading into the playoffs that season was very exciting but I had no idea what to expect. We played Mississauga in the first round and swept them in four games. For the second round we were facing my hometown team that I grew up watching: the Ottawa 67s. The 67s were having a historically successful season and unfortunately, we did not have as much luck against them, as we lost in four straight games. However, in the first game of the series Luukkonen was pulled late in the second period and I had the chance to play in front of the Ottawa crowd which was definitely a very cool moment for myself, as well as my family and friends in attendance. Growing up, it was always cool when I got to go watch the 67’s play and as a kid, I always looked up to the players. So, now that I was given the opportunity to play in front of that same crowd that I used to be a part of, it felt very special.
The following season I started out playing in the NOJHL for the Blind River Beavers before being traded to the Elliot Lake Wildcats not long after. For the Wildcats, I was given a lot of ice time and I faced more shots than any goalie in the league, which really allowed me to improve my game. My goal was to earn a roster spot on the Wolves for the following season and I really feel as though I was on a good track until the unexpected happened. When Covid-19 initially hit, I never would have thought that not only would the remainder of our season be lost, but also the entire 2020-21 season as well. I realized that by sacrificing an entire season, my plans for the future had been heavily disrupted. Not only did we lose an entire season of playing the game we all loved, but I also lost a year of eligibility in the OHL.
At this point in time, I found myself really struggling with the mental side of the game. I was doubting myself and my future in hockey. This poor mentality that I had was really affecting me both on and off the ice and I knew that if I wanted to continue playing at a high level, some drastic changes were needed. So, I reached out to a sports psychologist that I knew about in Ottawa and after speaking with him on multiple occasions, I could already see improvements in how I approached the game from a mental standpoint. After that, I spent the remainder of what should have been the 2020-21 season training hard on the ice and in the weight room, looking forward to rejoining the Wolves in Sudbury in the fall of 2021. Once again, I learned the hard way that things don’t always go according to plan.
Another Bump in the Road
During the summer of 2021, I was feeling great about my game and felt as though I was performing at peak performance up until I partially tore my meniscus. I required surgery later in the summer and the Wolves had informed me that I would be taking part in exhibition games just eight weeks after my operation. I even walked out of the hospital the day that I got my surgery because they wanted me up and moving right away. I realized that this was another hurdle for me, and the recovery process was both physically and mentally draining for me. However, this time around, I was not going to let it get in my head. I knew that I could only worry about the things that I could control and I did my very best to maintain a positive mindset throughout the entire process. With the help and support from my family, friends, coaches and the sports psychologist that I remained in touch with, I was able to take part in those games just eight weeks post-surgery.
Reflection & Future Plans
As for my goals for the future, I’m the same as every other kid in the sense that I have no idea what I would like to be doing in the long term. Before I started my time in the OHL, my plan was to play in the league for four straight years and then go from there. Unfortunately, the pandemic has put a major hole in that plan and I now have no idea what to expect going forward. I really enjoy playing here in Sudbury, so I would be very happy to return to the crease for my overaged season next year. Beyond that, I have never really put the pressure on myself to make the NHL one day, but as I mentioned previously, my goal has always been to play at the next level. I have had talks with some people about potentially playing overseas one day, which I think would be an amazing experience regardless of the circumstances. However, I am also currently enrolled at Carleton University, for which I’m taking online classes while I am here playing in Sudbury. I know that hockey will not last forever and I will most definitely have an education to fall back on when it is all said and done.
Hockey is a tough sport to master because of both the physical and mental capabilities that are needed to have success. As you begin playing at a higher level of hockey, you will notice that everybody has the physical attributes that are needed within the sport, but the players that possess the intangible qualities are the ones that will make it the furthest. Unfortunately, this aspect of the game is not talked about enough and because of it, a lot of talented young players fall off the rails due to internal battles. There is a lot of pressure on young players to be successful in this sport. Something that has really helped me along the way is self reflection and reaching out when help is needed because more times than not, people want to help.
Kids fall in love with the game of hockey at such a young age because of the joy and passion that is involved in the sport. Unfortunately, a lot of those same kids will lose that interest when they begin playing at a higher level because of the pressure and uncertainty that comes with it. At the end of the day, the entire hockey community is one big family that supports one another and I truly hope that the younger generations of hockey players are able to come to this realization sooner than later so that they can experience the same love for the game that I have.
Contributed by: Jonathan Lemaire
Written by: Matthew Sevigny
SPAD Players Tribune 